Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
