They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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