Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
