my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
