I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This house was built for laser tag.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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