based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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