Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
