Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
