Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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