right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
