I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
