If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
