Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
