Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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