This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
