we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize