Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
