i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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