My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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