Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
