so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
