meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You can't motorboat a personality
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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