Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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