You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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