She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
