nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is the high leading the old right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
