i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
