Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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