my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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