This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Alive.
So much puke
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
