Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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