Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
