I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
