As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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