addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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