he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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