You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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