8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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