Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
