you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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