The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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