nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
