thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just want to make out with him forever
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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