May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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