I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
