Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
