i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
