you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
