my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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