My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
