party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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