We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
